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I do not have a very good relationship with my mother-in-law. I get along well with most people so when I was first married to my husband this strained relationship with his mother concerned me. I would try hard to show an interest in what she was talking about and to be helpful in the kitchen during family gatherings.

Each year at holiday time I would spend a great deal of time trying to find her the perfect present. Each year I received the same reserved thank you with some side comment about not liking the color or style of the item. What helped me come to terms with the poor relationship was talking to my sister-in-laws. They do not have a good relationship with her either, and they were frustrated with her responses to their gifs and efforts as well. We tried giving gift certificates, but she does not drive so she needed to have someone take her shopping. We decided that this Christmas we would take her shopping and have her pick out clothing and we would pay for it. We wanted to do this before Christmas and then we would wrap the items and put them under the tree. We would also go out for lunch and help her shop for holiday gifts for others.

This outing included me, my three sister-in-laws and one of my nieces. The first thing my mother in-law wanted to look for was clip earrings. She said the pairs that she had were uncomfortable and old. We suggested that maybe she would want to pick out an outfit first and then find a pair of clip earrings to match, but she insisted that she want to find the jewelry first. I have had pierced ears since I was a young girl so I have not looked at clip earrings for years. I was surprised to see that the new styles have the screw backs on like the old jewelry my mother had. The screw back allows you to control how tightly the clip earring fits so it is more comfortable. She found a pair of imitation pearl clip earrings so then she was ready to start looking for clothes. She only liked the clothing items that her daughter showed her, so us daughter-in-laws kept quiet and let her try on clothing. When she did find outfits that she wanted we would pick out clip earrings and other jewelry to match without her knowing, so that she would have some surprises under the Christmas tree.

For mother’s day I found two pairs of clip earrings on sale. I had sent her a bouquet of flowers, but I also bought the jewelry. She was so pleased with the clip earrings that it is the first time she said a genuine thank you for a gift. The great thing is that each time I see her she has one of the pairs of earrings on.

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